Memories flowing through my mind
A clever disguise for the demons of my past
Looking back, they are chasing behind
Their speed and pain leaving me aghast.
I tried to outrun them
So I didn't have to see
All of the hard times
That make up me.
If we start at the beginning
Maybe I can find
What these demons of mine
Wish to put into my mind.
I'm reminded of the times
That I'd cry out in the night
The childhood was so painful
But I can never make it right.
I can never take back
What other people did
I can't retract
The life I've hid.
I remember when it happened
A child of only eight
Praying for the pain to end
I couldn't bear the fate.
I remember when I stood up
And looked him in the eye
Told him if he ever touched me
I would put an end to his life.
I remember when it was all okay
And things got better for a while
I could live day by day
I could actually smile.
I remember when daddy left
And I couldn't understand why
With hope I was bereft
Only able to cry..
I remember what daddy said
That made me want to die
Daddy's little girl
But he wanted to say goodbye.
Mama was single then
And there wasn't much food to eat
We made it by again
Swearing life wouldn't leave us beat.
Then Mama met a man.
He seemed really great
I was his biggest fan
Who I never thought to hate
I remember when this man changed
And he became a slave driver
Causing my mind to become deranged
How could I call myself survivor?
I remember when I harmed myself
For other people's mistakes
I have so many scars
To add to my heartbreak.
I remember when it got better again
But I was hesitant with the smile
I was afraid of all the pain
That made me so hostile.
Then the man was back
And he began again
All of the pain came to attack
This life is driving me insane.
So do I even wonder
Why I debate my life?
Do I have to ponder
When all I see is strife?
The demons of my past
And demons are they
Showing me what I've surpassed
Leaving me to ponder today.
(I needed to get this all out.. sorry about the length.)
