Great poem but try using stanzas i think it might bring more feeling and better understanding to this poem.

Ok good poem, you are getting there. i think that you should try writing longer stanzas and improve your other poems. i don't like the way you used the repitition of poetry, at the moment you have skipped from writing about fantasy stuff to writing about feelings. i like the last two lines best. anyways keep it up little bro. you will get there in the end. =)