Not quite sure where this poem is going

by YEeEeE HaW   Feb 9, 2007


The rain beats down harder
Falling from the dark black sky
The thunder in the distance
Covers up her ghastly cry

The constant beating of her heart
Is the only thing that keeps her sane
Her slow steady breath, In and out
Isn't heard over the rain

A chill runs up and down her spine
As she feels the chilly breeze
And the moving of the wind
Sways the barren trees

Still working on it

Yeah i have no idea where this poem is going

any suggestions on an ending?

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Bonnie Rose

    Hey i really like the stories of your poems, they have such direction and are really fascinating..

    maybe yoiu should change this however:
    "A chill runs up and down her spine
    As she feels the chilly breeze"

    to X breeze, as it would be more effective to use a differnt word than chilly as you used it in the line before, e.g frosty maybe personify it as a person, like words like, angry or hostile,menacing, to create an impending tragedy e.t.c wherever your story make take you?

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