Ending to the start

by Nicole   Feb 10, 2007


To be able to be by your side everyday
Is not enough for me to stay
I love you with all my heart
But everything has changed from the start
You're not the same as you used to be
You're different now, can't you see
I wish i could find a reason not to leave
I've searched my heart and soul, but nothing to perceive
I still need you and i still want you
But you're changed
And I'm not happy
Don't you realize how everything is now crappy?
Things were better when we were friends
So i think that's how we should end

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  • 17 years ago

    by ellewen

    Okay first I would like to say the beginning was good. I really liked the rhythm and how it rhymed up until here:

    "I still need you and i still want you
    But you're changed
    And I'm not happy
    Don't you realize how everything is now crappy?
    Things were better when we were friends
    So i think that's how we should end "

    I think you should have kept the rhythm going. And maybe it would have helped if you had organized it into stanzas. But for happy, and crappy, I would say look for a thesaurus. Or worded it a little differently. But the overall idea had potential, but it could use a little work. I'm not trying to be mean, I jist saw your post and im trying to be honest. If you would like any more comment, just comment me, and be sure not to have any one liners, I will return the favor.

    ~skittz