Why cant i trust?

So why is it so hard for me to trust?
Could it be because of a guys lust?
I just cant open up.
Its getting hard to see that half-full cup.

Sometimes it makes me so scared.
I don't think I could do it if i was dared.
Ill always have this fear.
Don't even see myself when I look in the mirror.

I've always tried so hard
But when i look at me, all i see is a fat piece of lard.
I work out like crazy
But I still feel so lazy

They told me I'm close to anorexic
But i don't care, F---- it.
I don't no where i when all wrong
Its that same old sad song.

About the girl that was.
The one that didn't care what everyone els douse.
The girl that slits her wrists
And Just wishes she could be kissed.

I wrote this a little over a year ago and i did get help for my eating disorder it was hard but I'm much better now, there a big problem and if you have one please get help.