I sit and wonder why, i cry inside and yet my eyes remain dry.. I try to remain composed but my demeanor is weakening.. I can't stand the state my heart is in.. I hate to hear it shredded.. Nobody is supposed to reside within.. and yet there you are.. closer to me than anyone else.. The warmest of friends however my deadliest enemy.. I thought i escaped my feelings.. encased them deep within.. and yet.. they emerged from the hollow grave they were buried.. They come to haunt my sometimes peaceful sleep, to torture me on what i will never be good enough to become.. Why do i do this to myself?? why must i try to keep my heart together with nothing but hopes and dreams?? Especially since my dreams and hopes are slowly deteriorating (spelling?) in front of my eyes.. Hmm.. i reckon this is why i seclude my self away from everyone during my darkest hours.. If i cant figure whats going on how in hell can anyone else.. I contemplate a/b the way I lead my life.. Sure I've gotten a dozen or so college brochures, my grades are great (except for blue at the moment), and my life seems at a long-last needed... PEACE.. however Deep Within my soul is rendered hopeless.. Deep within I try to hide the way i feel.. But slowly it creeps forth.. Like a Siberian tiger watching its prey.. and before i know it, the box of unwanted feelings opens itself upon my unsuspecting heart and i find myself at a loss.. Hmm.. What does this mean.. Now you know why I'm "confused" but I'm sure you have no idea why.. Unless of course your one of my friends and realize beyond a doubt my dilemma.. So here i am concocting this blog, because i always find it easier to write than to talk.. maybe one day I'll be clear on everything then again maybe not.. that's my unending life story..
