Well it took alot out of me but i finshed lauren, this is very good, is it your first? anyways, one thing i think you should do, do another ending, that one isnt long enough, its good but it leave the reader wanting more, i give it a 5/5, i write stories too but it would take me forever to type it put. keep writng these stories!!

Oh, i didnt know it was just the first chapter, if your planning on making a chronicle of it like i do then i think "The Darkslayer Chronicles" is good name for the trilogy, and the title of this one "Darkslayer: Attack of the Demonshade" but these are only suggestions! its up to you!

Amazing... really amazing... woow... leaves me speachless... the part

"Unfortunately, something had gone terribly wrong during the last battle. A shadowspirit, which Serafin would later learn was a demonshade, disengaged the pact between Syaine and Serafin had established. It then proceeded to debreathe Syaine, so forcing her to join the Darkside and betray the LightFaction. But before the demonshade had a chance to rid Serafin of his soul, something amazing, and awful, occurred. A light consisting of pure white swirling with black engulfed him and he was teleported to the forest behind the large edifice building. This was where he saw the demonshade appear and he finally conceded that this was his destiny"

this was my favorite part... woow... i really dont know what to say.... but you should write a book!

keep it up!

Impressive. Before I read I thought, wow a long write, but the fact you kept me reading made it pass quicker, it even made me want to read more.
Your diction was very appropriate for the subject matter, and also the audience, I feel.
The first two paragraphs, and maybe the third as well, were very well written and gradually built up the openning story of events before the tale. It's important this isn't rushed, and it wasn't.
The first sentance of the third paragraph ends with "faught in" I thought this would sound easier as just "faught".
The story starts to come along in the fourth paragraph as you very graphically described the ceremony.
While the fifth paragraph was good, I felt it moved too quickly. Maybe some description of the shadowspirit? Also some more depth of how it debreathed Syaine...the part about the teleport was more or less ok with descriptions, but a bit more there wouldn't go amiss. Maybe you realised how much you'd written and began to condense ideas, I don't know, but you mustn't - it's a great write.
The ending paragraph was just enough to end with yet not enough be a full conclusion, which is what made me want to read more.
Well done, great write overall.

This is downright going to be a very interesting story, u should publish it if u can when ur done :D

This is one of the most amazing and intriguing literaries ive ever read, you're awesome, i think your going to be a writer when u grow up.
i giv this 5/5(100000/5 if i could)great job

*claps hands* wow that was a really great prologue!!!
I really wanna read the book now, please continue to write it! and when another part comes out please inform me! it's GRAEAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
100 THUMBS UP