Love it, has style, very provacative, straight to the point, and a wonderful story. keep it up

Okay, I'll start off by saying that it was good, I liked it. The storyline was one that draws the typical reader in, depending on what the reader is feeling at the moment. But, you should write it in more of a sonnet format, the rhyme scheme and the line sequencing, and write a specific type of sonnet. Depending on which type you write, the rhyme scheme and formatting will be different.

But, a lot of people have troubles writing sonnets for their first time, and you have lots of room to improve. Keep it up.

-Jenna.