Valentine Poem of Love

This poem is the poem I wrote this year, to be sent to everyone I know. It does, of course, have comic relief, I hope. Don't take this poem seriously! It's supposed to be badly written, highlighting cheesy lines or concepts in conventional love poetry and exaggerating them a lot...

Anyway, enjoy, and do rate and comment!
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I’m an animal lover, I’m happy to say,
And I love them and pet them come what may.
So for you, my dear, I thank heaven above,
As you remind me of the creatures I love.

Take the grizzly bear for example:

Though most of your flesh it's happy to sample,
And of those fangs - take heed and be warned!

But it's hairy and by it you'll soon be warmed.

You're also like a cow.

It's not just these animals which I love;
I do not now speak of the dainty dove,
Rather the glorious dung-beetle so pure,
faithful to its job of rolling manure.
(As you are to yours of rolling about,
In our love so strong and stout).

And you remind me too, of the aquatic bat,
which, some say, is little more than a rat,
But I say, my dear, now do let's be clear,
The rat is just something they fear
(But is an otherwise perfectly acceptable
cute, furry-little-animal which has a long history
In the realm of fairy tales. They kept Snow White
Company, for example. And there was none as fare as she.
So essentially, by comparing you to a rat, I'm saying
You're as beautiful as Snow White).

You're
also a snake.

I think there's something here I'd like to say,
Which may have become a little lost on the way,
Trapped in the sentences between the words,
Read and spoken but not quite heard.

My love for you is like a potato:
It lasts for absolutely ages,
It's different forms could fill 30 pages,
(Like chips, crisps, boiled or mashed,
each form is loved though the potato's re-hashed)
It grows cool stuff on the outside too,
Which means our love has potential for growth,
The spud - like you - is loved near and far,
near and far,
Oh, further than I can drive by car.

So smile, my dear,
My companion so near,
When I say you're a cow and a snake and a rat,
Because I can't love you anymore than that...