The first time I read through this I did not comprehend it at all. So, I read through it a second time, and got a gist of what it was saying.

I felt that there was absolutely no flow in your poem. I mean, your rhyming was erratic and I could not expect where you were going to rhyme next.

Please, do not take this in a harsh way. I am just trying to let you realize your weak points in your writing.

I don't want to discourage you,
but I gave this a 3/5. that means it's Fair. & that's saying it nicely.