Look I started reading this poem and I understand what you are saying and I really like the way you choose your words. But seriously, it is so long, no one is going to read all that, I only got to the second part... poetry is seen more through short but meaningful poems, make it shorter, I bet it will attract more attention to both yourself and others.
Good work though,
oh and some of the words don't make sence just bescause they rythme.....
"As all of heaven watches to see how you ->>>> fare??????? fare doesn't make sence with this sentence... lol
it's okay I do it to,
good work keep it up

This poem gave me goosebumps. it's a different kinda poem. i have never read one like it. but i find it interesting.