My Surrender

Looking in the mirror,
What do I see?
Two eyes a mouth,
a face that looks like me.

But inside I'm a stranger,
I'm foreign and cold,
my mind is so confused,
this game is getting old.

I'm lost inside myself,
I know there's no way out,
as I continue around in circles,
my mind is filled with doubt.

Yet nothing can stop this madness,
this insane voice in my head,
it drives me out of control,
it fills my days with dread.

And as I stare at my reflection,
I ask myself why?
what have I become?
but I'm determined not to cry.

My eyes sting with tears,
I won't set them free,
I'm clinging to my pride,
and not crying is key.

But my strength is slowly dying,
I've held on for far too long,
it's time that I surrender,
in this world I don't belong.

My mind is suddenly clear,
there's only one answer for me,
a personal solution,
suicide will set me free.

The word sounded hollow,
as it slipped from my mind,
but it was the only answer,
the only thing that was kind.

So I planned it all out,
I lined up every pill,
I was intent on taking them all,
but I didn't have the will.

I didn't want to take my life,
I didn't want to die,
I took a deep breath,
and let myself cry.

In the end that was all I needed,
to let go of my pride,
I felt so much stronger,
once I gave up and cried.

~Monstergrrl18