Exhausting Lies

by Tammie   Feb 17, 2007


Pick me up just to push me down
Watch me fall back to the ground
That's just what you like to always do
Not caring what you put me through

Staring blankly at words on the screen
Wondering what they really mean
Is there any truth in those lies?
Familiarity in your disguise

Your continuous lies exhaust me
I can't believe all that I see.
It all comes down to love and hate
Or is it destiny, desire or fate?

Tragic words fall on my broken heart
Believing these lies from the start
Now I'm broken, frayed at the ends
With a smile on my face that's pretend

Life goes on, what can I do?
Try to stay focused, push on through.
Learn from mistakes and regrets
I will forgive, but I can't forget.

* Definitely not my best work, but I needed to write something, and this is what came out at the time. When I spoke about reading words on the screen, this is written based on an online relationship I had, just to justify that if it didn't make sense. Thanks for reading. *

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  • 17 years ago

    by dollwithafrown

    Awe, this was pretty sad. I could definitely relate to it.

    "That's just what you like to always do" - I thought that this line sort of messes up the flow in the first stanza. Maybe it would work better if you took out a word, so it read like: "That's just what you like to do" OR "That's just what you always do".

    Overall, though, the flow was good and it was an enjoyable read. Another type though - use punctuation. It helps the readers know when to stop, so it doesn't just feel like we're reading one long stanza. :)

  • 17 years ago

    by RetroRavey

    I wasn't impressed, in all honesty. But it wasn't bad. I liked it enough to give it a 5.

    Ravyn

  • 17 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Beautiful work..i love this 1...mean i did'nt find anything al tht wrong wth the flow..n i loved the choice of words..n the ending was lovely.....
    5/5!
    Kp writing!
    xxPoojaxx

  • 17 years ago

    by twisted reality

    It was really good, I thought. But I also thought you could put a lot more into it. If you catch my drift.

    [That's just what you like to do]
    Suggestion: That's just what you like to always do.

    ^^This helps out the flow a lot more.

    I found that in this piece, it had a really choppy flow in some places, but really flowy flow (grammar :P) in others. Personally, I think you just need to sit down in a nicee calm place, and write. That's it. There doesn't have to be all these poem techniques that you absolutely need to follow. If you really need to get something out, try writing freeverse. It's a lot easier, and it gets your emotions out just like a poem with 'rules.'

    Now, on your words that rhymed, I thought you could have picked a few better rhymes than the ones that you did. These ones seemed like 2 second rhymes made up on the spot. And they all seem as if they were really easy and one syllable words, just simply chosen on the spot. If you're going to rhyme, be unique and different. Don't make them boring or dull. Try to add some spice to the piece. =) 5/5 xoxo

    Samantha
    PS: Sorry the comments are so late -.-

  • 17 years ago

    by Katie

    This is absolutely amazing. I love poems like this. Mostly because I can relate to them. You are such an awesome writer. Don't ever stop. Great work. :]

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