Wow what a very vivid depiction. I absolutely loved it, very original ^_^ keep up the great work

Wow.. awesome!! i would never be able to pull off a poem like that lol!! but yea good job!! im goona have to go and read ur other ones.. hehe!!
Teri Rose!

Dang!! you really know how to write poems!! your really good!!
oh and thanks for commenting my poems!!

shanny

Honestly, I wasn't keen on this write for the simple reason I've read many like this before. It didn't clearly show much originality, although you did include emotion, but how can you not in a love poem?
First word of the third stanza should be "our."
Sorry I couldn't be more positive but I enjoy poems that offer something more than just teenage love.

Wow! this was sooo sweet...i loved it... there was a few spelling mistakes but other than that it was really good.

This is rather bitter sweet i suppose. It's kinda cliche, but I still enjoyed the read. Thanks for sharing.

marcella

This is very sad in a way at first i like how it never sounded like a dream like it was the real thing until the ending which is great :] because i like reading it that way and we all wish that someone was next to us also:

"I closed my eyes
and fell asleep
to your hearts beating"

i think it should be

"I closed my eyes
and fell asleep
to our[not your] hearts beating"

but that's it. other then that your good to go.

keep it up. keep on writing. love always and forever.

Awwwwwww..........this made me go in awe and if i could i would go aww x 50 =) im dead serious....lol im suppose to b commenting u back..but i think i lost count of commenting cuz u just make me wnt to chose anthor one and another one..lol

I can't stress enough to use puncuation it makes the poem so much more enjoyable, not that it wasn't already. The flow was good, and the emotion within was great. Keep up the good work.

This line, "to your hearts beating" change "hearts" to "heart" Or you can change "beating" to "beat" either or and it will be good.

Eighth stanza last line, "Ive" should be, "I've"

Peace, Joe