by beav Feb 20, 2007
category :
Dark, fantasy /
other
You can feel it, out there. somewhere in the dark. somewhere in the shadows. you can feel moist heat, like that of breath ever behind you. that feeling you get, only in the dark, just before you touch something you cannot see (or something touches you). that tingling surge, that sense, that momentary pulse of fever on the skin's surface. that sound in your head that is felt in your chest. your heart- rigid & pounding from the thrill. that unhurried breathing, even & hushed even though you are winded from terror. honing your ears to interpret every noise in the dark, no matter how slight. you can feel it, out there. the strokes of eyes sweeping your form. the rhythm of silent breath that is not your own. somewhere in the shadows. somewhere in the dark. out there. you can feel it. |
That was so good i like your style of writing, who cares if it was not in stanzas it was awesome made me not want to go out in the dark lol |
It's got some very nice vocab, but I recommend putting itinto stanzas to make it easier to read. 4/5. nice job! |
by Jenni
I loved this. it was so dramatic and the horror you described was swell! beautifully written, keep up the great job! 5/5 |
Wow.. i absolutely love this poem!! you describe the darkness so well... it really captured me.. .my only suggestion is to many putting some sort of strucutre on it so it can be read with a better flow |
Aww, that was really lovely. it was a really good read |