10:41 Pm

by David   Feb 20, 2007


10:41 Pm.
Monday night

I lay there in the dark
And silently cried
Warm river of tears running down my face
I was whimpering like a girl,
No dam pride

I had been thinking
Soft thoughts of death
To end my relentless pain
To take away ones breath

Yet it had to be silent
And it had to be clever
To not wake my family
Had to be now or never

I bade farewell to my lover
Sorrow of what I could see
Yet never ending joy too
To rid this world of me

I'm going to be hung
Like a coat hanger on a hook
A few seconds of pain
It is all it would have took

As I wrapped it round
My ugly stupid neck
I wanted it done, sob
I was a worthless wreck

I was being called
Trying to be contacted
To talk me out of death
Yet life, it is so over rated

I pulled tight
After taking a breath
Lasted so long
And on the brink of death

Yet I let go
It is so evil, so cruel
For some unknown reason
Life or death, the ultimate duel.

I was panting heavily
Like I had run 10,000 mile
I was so disappointed yet
Was making a wry cold smile

Of thinking another time
Where death will conquer
And everything will be complete
Until that time I wait, no longer

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by Vanessa

    Really emtional, and distrubing. I can relate to how you felt in this poem. I have been there more than once. MY favorite part had to be
    Yet I let go
    It is so evil, so cruel
    For some unknown reason
    Life or death, the ultimate duel
    This staza spoke volumes. Your word choice is excellent, but the flow was a little off in some places, still the message you implied took away from that. again my friend I leave you with 5/5

  • 17 years ago

    by Filledwithjoy

    Dont ever go trying that stuff again! talk to someone! but an awsm insight to how you felt at your lowest

  • 17 years ago

    by heather

    I loved the strong emotion this poem gave off. really awesome. (if this poem is really how you felt) then i just hope youre going to be okay..i dont know you but it sounds horrible! dont do anything you cant take back....trust me....i would rather play it safe. and dont be selfish bc im sure you have a bunch of people who love and care about you and to give them a heartache like that...just isnt fair. thats what i think. keep writing i love reading your stuff. ;)

  • 17 years ago

    by Sherry Lynn

    Though the meaning of this poem is good it still needs a bit of work hun. Read through it again and check for simple mistakes. Even though the mistakes are minor they still take away from great art.

    For example:
    "I going to be hung
    Like a coat hanger on a hook
    A few seconds of pain
    It is all it would have took"

    Would be better if written either I am or I was ...

    just a thought babe.

    --Sher

  • 17 years ago

    by TravTagz

    I really enjoyed this poem I could definitely feel the emotion... great write.

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