Once Upon A Broken Heart

Wow, very emotional peice, great work. I loved it. The flow and the structure was great as well as the rhymes. Great Job.

Peace, Joe

COMMENT # 4

lovely... i enjoyed this because it told a story ... the flow is flawless...the last line seems forced... as if you wanted to use the line "once upon a broken heart" however it doesn't make sense... but maybe its just me misunderstanding

This is just so amazing. It truly got to me. I can relate a lot to it. & It brought tears to my eyes. It was so very powerful & I love the story that you told.

Then one day, a mysterious suitor appeared
He told the princess she had nothing to fear
So she trusted him and let her heart lead the way
He took her by the hand and took her heart away

^ I liked the first two lines.. But I 'm not too fond on the last two lines.. You used 'heart' twice. & 'way' & 'away'. It just seemed to clash for me. It didn't really take away from the poem. But, I noticed it..

She had no idea the mistake she was making
Her love was true but he was perfect at faking
He fed her such lies, and she believed every one
He laughed at her expense, he laughed at her fun

The princess was blind to all his lies
She was mystified when she looked in his eyes
He did what he wanted, just as he planned
He took he innocence as he took her hand [the second 'he' I think should be 'her', unless I'm mistaking]

^ I loveddddd these two stanzas. They really stood out to me. So powerful & full of emotion. I really loved the line ''He took her innocence as he took her hand.. Wow, so strong! & great imagery.

Though people tried to tell her, she didn't believe them
How could anyone tell her to leave him
No one knew who he was, or what he was doing there
But the princess didn't mind, she thought he cared

^ I can't even begin to explain how much tears this brought to my eyes. I can relate to this so well, it's unbelievable. I loved it..

And that's when her fairy tale fantasy apart
And it was all because it was built on Once Upon A Broken Heart

^ I really like these two last lines.. But the first line, I think after fantasy should be 'fell'.

Absolutely amazing, Hun.

Bri x

5/5. This was my favorite. I loved how you did the story form of pricess and prince! Amazing job

Wowie! that really got to me. what a story you told. perfection was this poem. it was so creative and descriptive. amazing amazing job. 5/5