Gone were the days when love made me go astray,
Playing with every woman that goes my way,
Too self centered to see or realize,
That one day we'll go our own separate ways.
Now I'm a mere shadow of the man I used to be,
Tired, lonely, and empty.
Too timid to not even be able to daydream that someday or somehow
Things could go back the same way.
The seed of sorrow had been sown and Ived let it flourish,
Without a fight, not even a mere defiance on my side.
Swallowed by the emptiness and a cloud of guilt,
With nothing to look forward to with pride,
And with no sign of hope to look forward to,
But the dark shadows and the deafening silence that awaits me
In this long winding tunnel of emptiness called life.
They say misery loves company,
Why does it have to be me?
Engulfed by the sadness of my heart,
With nothing but a bit of anger to accompany me by.
I cut myself just to remind me that I'm alive,
To see the scarlet fluid rush out of the broken skin
And into my pale sanity makes me forget the horrors,
That runs and lies deep in my torn heart and mind.
Now as the sun sets and the world is being blanketed by darkness,
I sit alone waiting.
To be once again succumbed by the demons inside my head,
Playing tricks with my imagination,
Showing me how worthless my whole existence had been,
Showing me my deepest and darkest secrets
Making me relive the anguish and sorrow of time long passed,
From which I thought I had locked up,
Surfaced back.
Haunting me of the days when I was forced kicking and screaming
From being a mere child to what I am today.
I remember that I used to tell all my childhood friends,
That I'm the oldest person that they know,
They merely laugh for they are older by age,
But I knew back then that Im correct.
With a cigarette in and a bottle of liquor on my hand,
I try my best each day to go through with life full of dismay.
Not even by sleep does the restlessness stops
It simply amplifies the pain,
Like a make up reality.
But now the demons have a face, a place and a plot.
Showing me the horrors of my past and the emptiness of the future.
I'm not even sure anymore which is more bearable,
Being awake or being asleep.
Is this the one some people call creeping death?
Maybe, I once told myself.
But why did it have to creep so slowly?
Why does it not hit me as fast as a bullet train?
Now I live my life with just darkness and sorrow,
Wishing that each time I go to sleep for my breathe to just quit,
But alas! To no avail.
Though I know the way out.
I am afraid to take it, for in an unexplainable way I hear a little voice,
Reminding me that someway, somehow the horrors will end,
Though more often it isn't there, maybe he just got tired as well.
One day, when my weary soul gets tired of fighting,
Ill willingly surrender myself to the cold arms and embrace of death
For at least Death has a cold bosom to accept and welcome me,
He may even fill in the gap of emptiness in my heart.
Soon enough Death, we'll be together
When the death ship comes my way
Soon enough...
