The Brotherly/Sisterly love

by White Chocolate Dynamite   Feb 24, 2007


A younger sister will try to do anything to annoy her brother,
And the way a brother will protect his little sister is different.
But sometimes it just takes a nice conversation to bring back order,
But each of them have their favorite together moments.

But you just always got to remember that,
That is your only sibling.
And that there is never going to be another sibling like that,
But just remember always be loving.

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  • 16 years ago

    by Nicole the Fairy

    Hmm. Okay.
    Lets start with:

    Stanza 1:
    'A younger sister will try to do anything to annoy her brother,
    And the way a brother will protect his little sister is different.
    But sometimes it just takes a nice conversation to bring back order,
    But each of them have their favourite together moments.'

    -- Line 1 -very true!! Liked how this was told, -… to do anything to annoy her brother,- And then the next line, how the other side of the story was told. Very well done here. Hmm. Next 2 lines are challenging, The third line starts with 'but', and in my opinion, it would sound better if it started with 'sometimes' ? Maybe? Line 4 is fine <3

    Stanza 2:
    'But you just always got to remember that,
    That is your only sibling.
    And that there is never going to be another sibling like that,
    But just remember always be loving.'

    -- Hmm. The point of views have changed here, and I have seen I done superbly in other poems, but if there were more stanza, maybe 4 or 6 even, then the change of view/perspective would be a great technique for this poem. Maybe using '... just always remember that ...' rather than '... you just always got to remember that ...' because the use of fillers in here are a little over crowded here. Also line 2- 'That is your only sibling.' Maybe using 'she is his only sibling.' And make it a drifting sentence, like, it leaves the reader to think, crap, what would I do without my younger/older annoying brother/sister? Which relates the reader to the poem, which helps you with your rating/commenting and even word of mouth. The last line uses 'just'. Try to not use it more than once or twice in a stanza, maybe using 'But please remember, always be loving.' Or some thing like that.

    Poem conclusion:
    It is a ever to true poem, as having older/younger siblings myself, I related well to the poem. I usually love poems which rhyme, even though this one did not, I still enjoyed reading it. Rhythm may need a little more work, but you’re almost there ;]
    Structure is well too- although, may I suggest it be a little longer? Maybe another stanza or two?
    Hope this helps ;]
    Great work- keep it up <3
    Good luck! 5/5
    -- Nicole x

  • 17 years ago

    by Adelle

    I like this very much I just wish the same could be said between me and my older brother.

  • 17 years ago

    by STEVE

    I love your poem 5/5 very meaningful your words say it all Steve

  • 17 years ago

    by Debbie

    Regardless about the fact that it didn't flow well and that the lines were *almost forced, I'd still give you my props for writing this poem which endears me completely. In fact I can correlate with the subject at hand, considering now that I'm the youngest of three siblings and the most manic and weirdest of them all. :3 I'm quite sure of my brother's annoyance towards me, but then again, he cares for me like the way you care for your little sister, I suppose. :) Nicely done.

    Debbie

  • 17 years ago

    by xxSnow Angelxx

    Awwww=) =)
    Sooo cute...lovely job!
    Very sweet work......though m elder in my family..i can so understand this one...very cute n honest wrk!
    5/5
    xxPoojaxx