Together Beneath the Sun

by myxlittlexcut   Feb 25, 2007


I lay in the grass
Face towards the sky
With my head on your stomach
I release a great sigh

I melt into my surroundings
The sun warms my soul
And the fact that you are with me
Makes this moment whole

The silence speaks louder
Then words ever could
All I hear is your heart
Beating rhythmically like it should

Your hand finds mine
As a cool wind blows by
You slowly sit up
And look me in the eye

Gently you lend forward
Kissing me on the lips
Freeing butterflies in my stomach
While my heart is doing flips

We lay back down
In each others arms
I feel safe and warm
Protected from all harm

The sweet chirping of the birds
And the gentle rays of sun
Allow us both to relax
And blend into one.

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Latest Comments

  • 15 years ago

    by Beautiful Chaos

    Overall this is not a bad write, there is some sweet stuff in there, but I would recommend working on your flow, you're syllable count is off in places.

    The silence speaks louder
    Then words ever could
    All I hear is your heart
    Beating rhythmically like it should

    ^I like this stanza the most but the last line is too long, it doesn't flow as nicely as the other 3 do.

    With a bit of restructuring this could be great, keep writing.

  • 15 years ago

    by Sourav

    Very rhythmic poem. Simple and sweet. I liked it!

  • 17 years ago

    by Solace

    I really honestly love this.
    Each part flows beautifully.

    =]
    Nicely written indeed.

    -blaine
    PainOfOne

  • 17 years ago

    by bleed4eternity

    Meep... i love the love poems you write... i can relate wink wink : )

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