Beneath the surface

This is incredible! i really felt the emotion..great job! =]

I really liked the overall flow of this poem. You caught my attention and hed it. The flow of the poem has alot to do with that. I liked your rhyme scheme you have going hear, every secound and fourth stanza rhyming. But i dont htink you kindof stuck with this rhyme scheme in the last two stanzas. They dont seem to go with the rest of the poem becuase of that. Rhyming hides with eye's, made me feel like that was forced. Anywyas i liekd the structure of the poem, 6 stanza's with 4 lines each. The lines were quite short yet they worked. I liekd the alliteration you used hear, "brittle bones". The reader wants to read more of this poem... they want to know more about this story. Again im going to ask you to use punctuation. But an enjoyable read. Keep writing! xx

Ah, so much better.
Just wonderful! I really liked this poem.
The flow was great, and the rhyme didn't
seemed forced at all. Keep it up!
God Bless 5/5
<3tay^__^

I like it, can relate to it. 5/5

Synonyms lol that's what I meant. haha :]