Pain

I am lying here and watching the stars,
And all I can see is your face,
In that two bright stars I can see are your beautiful shining eyes,
All the stars make your face, your smile,
But no one can replace you.
The sun comes up
I see it but it is not shining into my eyes,
I am walking underneath, but it isn't touching me, I am cold.
Coldness comes from my heart, that emptiness inside my chests.
I see you and I smile.
That fake smile, on my fake face hurts me even more.
I don't wanna smile, I wanna scream.
But no one ever listens.
I see you with that girl, with your arms put around her,
Like you used to hold me,
When we were walking down the streets, in the cold nights,
When everything seemed to be right, on the right place, in the right time
When the world was nothing comparing to you..
You smile back, as if you are glad to see me
But I know you hate it
I know you hate it when I look into your eyes
And it reminds you on everything we went trough together
Everything that now is past because of you.
I see her, she stole my life, she stole you out of me
And she is nothing like me
She is a stupid blond, brainless.
She stops laughing, she sees me.
She is afraid that I will take you back
But don't worry, I wont.
After all the things you did, after all the things you said,
I wish I could hate you.
We pass each other, you turn back and watch me walking away.
I used to do it, now I am sick of it
I go home and run into my room.
My mother calls me for lunch, I say I am not hungry.
I turn music loud, and I start screaming into my pillow.
It hurts but I know, the time will heal it
All the pain you caused, it makes me think that,
That I wont be able to love any more, not able to feel any more.
The phone rings.
It is my best friend asks if I am OK.
I lie and I say I am, she sighs and says fine.
And I put the phone down.
I wont cause her pain, I wont hurt her.
And I wont hurt anyone.
I go out again, but it is night
There are my friends waiting.
I say Hi and nothing else.
They are laughing, talking and I am quiet.
All I do is watching round the corner, expecting your coming,
I do it because I got used to it, all the time we were .. in the past
The presence hurts but I understand I have to accept it.
After some time, I go home and fall asleep
Days pass, weeks pass and I forget about you
I learned to accept the falls in life,
You must know how to fall in order to grow.
And, I do, I learned my lesson
You, now, you are only a memory, you faded away, you faded away with the time..

*Piece of cr@p, one of the first poems I wrote.