As death loosened his grip

I am very sorry, but i have to say that the rhyming scheme is very... "rushed" for lack of a better word.
It seems as if in this poem, you tried not to think about what you were writing, but couldn't help to try to make the poem sound good.
Either that or maybe you tried a new room.
Whatever the reason, your rhyme scheme came out horribly deformed.
But, i must say that throughout that deformity, the meaning of the poem was incredulously wonderful (if i used that word right?!)

I loved the first two lines of the last stanza, although the poem would be better were you to replace this line:
*On your last endless trip *

with a none rhyming and strong line.

5/5
~Stephen White

Very liquid, you just slide along for the ride. I am not quite sure where it has taken me though. I understand that someone is on the verge of death, but how did they get there? What do they mean to you? What does it feel like to be losing them?

You have very nice poetry, I enjoy it very much! I expect to see more of you also! Thank you for the comments.

Another very sad poem! but i love the way you describe the poems... and the way u use your words u are really good at it... keep it up!

Not the best poem i have ever read, but merely because the first stanza was not so attractive.
It was very well written, and i could tell that it was honest.

this whole stanza was ruined because of one forced rhyme:

"As a called for you
I knew
The pain had grew
And you were through"

grew, in regular English, is not a word to use in that terminology. It kind of made me stop at that part, knowing it should be grown. I think you were trying out a new rhyming scheme and you wanted to fit something in the slot, but i am not sure.

I enjoyed it still, and however bumpy i could still relate to it.

Great job
5/5
~stephen white

The rhymes seemed forced in this one, probably because each line rhymed. the first seems a little too long also. Besides those two things, it was a really nice poem. Sad story line but, again you wrote it beautifully. 5/5

marcella