The Storm

by Annabel   Mar 3, 2007


A quiet storm is brewing,
The dark clouds are moving,
Towards the small, peaceful place,
Where the birds sing and the soft blossoms falls,
We call it home.

The sun shines through the bitter frost
And the children smile through the sadness,
Everyone feels it,
But not everyone knows it,
It's coming.

The glimpse of your face from across the room,
The smile that fades to anxiety for only a brief moment,
We notice the look in your eyes,
The way you catch your breath,
It's coming.

The room darkens,
You're left alone,
What I see now, its the breakdown,
Your head in your hands,
Tears streaming down your face,
The truth behind the smile,
The feeling behind your words,
The love you have to give
And the truth you hold inside.
It's not a secret anymore.

The dark clouds break and the rain begins to fall.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by ShootingStar179

    Very very nice metaphor. I like this a lot. Usually I don't go for freeverse, but I'll make an exception ;)

    Now for details:

    "Everyone feels it,
    But not everyone knows it,"

    ^Feels too repetitive. "It" is always a tricky word to use in poetry. Try to use the storm instead of it.

    "The smile that fades to anxiety for only a brief moment"

    ^ Seems redundant. I know it's not. Lol. But, it just seems out there. It doesn't fit.

    "We notice the look in your eye"

    ^^Who is the "we" being referred to? Be careful not to use too many pronouns, as that will confuse the reader. Don't worry, I have trouble with that too.

    Overall, try not to use "you" and "it" as much. It takes away from your talent.

  • 17 years ago

    by .K.i.T.t.Y.

    Wow. its beautiful. deep..imargery is strong...I LOVE IT. a big 5/5.

  • 17 years ago

    by Karl Wild GG23

    I really like this poem and the imagery the words created, I could just picture everything as I read. "The dark clouds break and the rain begins to fall" That was the perfect way to end this poem. great job 5/5

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