When was it that you gained control of my life?
Why can't I live without getting into strife?
I feel caged,
And I want to escape,
To fight the walls closing in on me,
And the twisting, writhing hands melding me into their own shape.
I want to be free.
When was it that you began ruling my life?
Was I ever even free to begin with?
I can't breathe anymore.
And I don't have the strength to break free.
Life is a chore.
That I abhor.
Don't tell me what to do.
Show me how I can escape you,
Without breaking apart.
Show me how I can depart
And still remain alive
Because I don't think I can survive
Another two years of this.
All my fears,
Are running down my face in tears,
Yet you don't notice.
I tell you and you don't care.
You don't see my despair.
It's dark and I'm reaching out but no-one is there,
The nightmares will take control of my life.
It's all my fault.
I brought it on myself.
I have no right to privacy
And nothing is truly mine.
How do I take away the pain,
And gain control of my own life?
The echoes of words once said still linger here,
They will haunt me until I can get away.
To you I am nothing,
I can't do anything right,
Every time I try to tell you how I feel
You tell me that I was wrong and its my fault.
Am I seeing too much in every little movement?
With every little word you say,
My brain has a thousand more to back it up,
I am useless
I won't succeed
I won't ever be any use to anyone.
I can't make a difference.
You think I'm a monster.
You don't understand.
I pretend it's all alright,
You're the only one that know my pain.
But you don't believe that its not just me trying to complain.
I'm being selfish if I cry.
I can't tell you how I feel because you turn a blind eye,
I am going insane.
I want to work hard but not with you over my shoulder,
Looking,
Judging.
I need freedom to make my own choices.
I made a promise that I intend to keep
But I can't if you are always there because then I just feel condemned
And I want to run away.
I want to do the right thing but even when I try I make a mess of it.
Everything is judged.
Everything.
If you weren't there looking over my shoulder and making me feel miserable
I would be busy doing work,
But as it is I am writing this because I need to get my feelings out
And I can't tell you because you don't see
The real me.
You don't listen to my problems
And when you do you only tell me to be sharper
You don't really listen.
Not really.
You offer no comfort
You only judge and then say 'I love you'
Those three little words that I hate
Because they are just there to make the judging, lecturing and condemning
Easier to bare.
