Back in the Day

I sit at my phone every night
While I sit there wondering what went wrong
Memories of better times cloud my mind
Like an old projector flashing before me
I see every second of our time spent together
Will begging you to come back return you to me?
It's just I'm not sure how long I can continue fighting
Every step I take seems to pull you further from me
I hate going to bed not wanting to wake up
It's just that I've loved & lost the only person who ever mattered
Where did you go?
You seem to have just disappeared
Every where I look is so dark
I live my life in a permanent shadow
Every time you walk by me
I'm begging that maybe you'll smile at me
Give me the look that told me you were mine
You don't know how it feels to hold a knife to your heart
Wondering if it's still there,
If you'll even care,
If attempted suicidal catch your stare,
And remembering the scent of your hair
These all add fuel to my ever growing fire
I don't mean the things I say
My thought process is if I say them enough
Maybe, just maybe, they'll come true
And, if I'm lucky, I'll stop thinking about you
As well as the way you would say my name,
The way everything you could say could sound so lame,
The way you made me feel when I was sad,
Or how about getting you mad
Just to kiss your eyes and tell you how much I love you
Remember whenever one of us had to leave,
We'd just hold each other unwilling are selves to part
All these memories derive straight from my heart
God put me on this planet for one reason and one reason alone
To tell you I love you each and every day
But now I have to say goodbye?
I can't do it, not today or the next
Because you still make my eyes perplexed
I long for your laugh
I long for your touch
I long for your cheek to brush against mine
But mostly I just want to hear you say,
"I love you" like you used to back in the day

P.S.
I apologize if they're misspelled words
I did the best I could
But it's hard to write with tears in your eyes