Fighting for What?

What is it that I should be fighting for?
is it to finally feel free from hassle
or just to let my anger out?
or maybe it will help me feel better about myself?

my incident occurred when i was only 14
i was held down while my innocence was stolen
i was crying and screaming out for help
but my breath soon ran too short

it was a pillow that stopped him getting caught
a pillow that stopped me fighting back
a pillow that was used as a gag
he pressed on it so i couldn't say a word

he robbed me of my innocence
but thats not all he took that night
he stole an entire collection
of my most valuable items

he stole my courage and dignity
my pride and self-security
my self-esteem and ambition
and than my will to carry on

a master thief and a rapist
all in that one hit
or maybe he is neither
he's just a sad and sorry kid

so now they tell me to keep fighting
they tell me i will pull through
but when you have been robbed of everything
you don't care how badly you lose

they say I'm going to be a survivor
but what if i don't want to survive?

(C) Lucy Green