Social anxiety..:/

My present has become a nightmare
my constant battle has been spiteful

A beautiful girl,
trapped in a cursed head

cant control my feelings
I'm still not done healing

its been 3 years since i lost myself..
3 years since Ive truly smiled

still hoping she'll return again
loneliness is my friend

my hope is full of "i remember whens.."
and my tears are bitter, with regrets

The question spins in my head
was it my fault, that this has happened to me?

could I have been nicer to friends?
but i never thought i could deserve this

they say everything happens for a reason
well what reason was this?

I'm living in a hell of social anxiety
a pit with no future
a pit with no end...

is this my fault?

or will there be something bigger.... but when?