Random Thoughts

Waver in and out through the depths of thought
trying desperately to regulate the shifts in my moods
only to realize that everything that I have worked
so hard to get, only fails in the end.
Every time...

That only makes me wonder more
about why I still hopelessly cling to the dream of
bettering myself.
Why I hope that someday I will be able to escape
this hell

I have this shaded overview of the subject
and every thought that I have that pertains to the
manor of which I am living, constantly
darkens by the day, by the hour. Every minute
every second

Why is it that every human always has one last,
final attempt
before they surge what little preserves of power they
have left, and waste their lives away into
nothing.

My random spouts of thought, anger, and depression
only fuel the nothingness that continuously
grows inside. [why do I bother
why don't I just
give
up]

Maybe I should... right?

Seems more of an opportunity to be free
and to get happiness through death.
That to constantly struggle through
pain with the burden of life.

Yet, having one simple thing will make me stay
and endure the pain, regardless of how it makes me feel in the end.

[I will live, because I have him.
I will endure this
because I know I can make it better
with just the thought
of his smile.]