Teenage Anxiety For A Lost Best Friend

The shock when you hear she passed
Takes up your thoughts
Its like an earthquake that shakes and breaks you down
The memories all rush back
Of all the times you got into trouble
All the times you had.
Water fights
Mud fights
Or just the disagreeing kind
But somehow
You always find the funny part
And end up staying up half the night laughing
Cause you cant remember why it started
But then the pain rushes back in
After you remember promising to always be there for one another
And you wonder
How can they still be here for me?
When she slipped away
You think its your fault
You beat yourself down
Thinking you could have done something
You should have known that she was hurting
That bad
You should have done something
As you sit back in your chair
Trying to relax
And make sense of all of this
But what could you have done?
Everyone tells you it was just her time to go
But she was so young you argue
She didnt even get a real life
You love her
You miss her

You cry when your favorite song you shared with her comes on
You shut off the radio
As you cry yourself to sleep on the couch
You wake up the next morning
Eyes puffing
You look like shit
But its just the pain you say
It will go away right
It is suppose to?
But how long do you have to wait?
For all these emotions
And pain to disappear

I guess forever

But as you look through your photos
The pictures never show you by yourself
Your friends are always there
She is there
Smiling
She looks so healthy
So happy
What happened?
You cry
As each tears fall
You try to wipe them away
As one tear slides onto your lips
The salt burns the wound on your lip
The one you forgot about
The wound you thought would have healed
The part on your lip that you chewed
When they told you the information
All that pain
Is a burden you think you will have to carry forever?

But do you?
Is this really what she wanted?
No
It isnt
Isn't would have wanted us to be happy
Cause she will always be here
Just call out to her
In your prayers
She will always be in my heart
As not only my best friend
But my sister
And my guardian angel