That was Beautiful!! I think you should title is "Breathe". Well done! You're such an awesome writer!! God Bless 5/5
<3Tayy

Oh my gosh. Hun, that was perfect. Nothing wrong. Perfect, simply perfection. You hit the mark. And it was so original, I have never quite seen a poem written like this. Flat-out amazing hun, write more soon b/c I love reading your work! =]

Stephanie Lynn .+.

Wow. i really really loved it! Its very different style of writting and different is always good. 5/5 for sure. i like the way you set it up and the whole image and just everything. just wow. wow. great job. your an amazing writer....
-linds[[x]]

Well i like this just like i like your others. i like this and yes breathe is a nice title for this. keep up the good work. 5/5

Wow.. this is an awesome poem!! 5/5!! It's in a different style, and I like that, it refreshing to read, also, good choice of words and an awesome flow! Great job!!
Much Love,
.:Danielle:.

This was a 'breath' taking poem! I don't know what to say. This has to be one of the best poems I've read on this site in such a long time. Perfect in every single way. I love it!! 5/5. take care,

-` Liz

Well i gave you a 4 and then i tried to stop it from going but it had already gone through, i was gonna give you a 5. you deserved more of a 4.5, but i think you deserved the 5 more than the 4, sry about that. well, personally, it was hard to understand what you were getting at, i think you were a little too vague with this poem, and maybe it's just b/c it's midnight lol, which is why i'm giving you the benefit of the doubt. nice job though, i liked it, good imagery and symbolism.

Wow. one word: AMAZING.

WOW, Hunny. This was just simply amazing! So perfect. I'm speechless.. ahaha. I was confused a couple times, at exactly what you were trying to say.. But.. Everything just flowed so well & the parenthesis around the verbs really made it stick out & brought the poem together. I love the structure of it.. Very unique. & The very last stanza was my favorite.. It was just so beautiful & I could deffinitley relate & understand that :]

Perfect; simply perfect :]

Bri [x]

Wow.. an amazing poem. I have to say i really enjoyed the style of it, it was my faveourite part. How you write an instruction on the first line of each stanza tehn the oppisite of that instruction on the third line of each stanza. I really liked how you did that. The flow was wonderful and the style worked very well. I like the uniqueness of the poem. It was emtion filled. An excellent read! Keep writing! xx

Wow, this is gorgeous, it's such a relaxing poem but it is so beautiful in the flow and emotion, it's so sad.
luv gabriella

Your words are so creative and full of emotions................ i can feel them so deep.
another great job by you, you are just so talented.
another 5/5 as u really deserve it

I LOVE this! it is amazing. the way it is worded, the way it flows. i love it..... 5/5

Wow this was definatly my favorite one out of the two you told me to comment on. Typically I really hate poems that have brackets in them but this one really made it work. It reminds me of someone who is trying to forget someone who is always on their mind and their reason for breathing. Amazing job..

I've never read a poem like this. i give this great work of masterful poetry two phalanges (fingers) up. great job and i hope to read more of your greatness

your servant:
david

Wow this is really good. i really like it a lot. i think you did a great job on writing it. keep it up! 5/5

~Kristina

I think the format of this is quite interesting. I liked it. It made the tone of the poem intense and quickly paced. It certainly aided the message of the poem.
It also made me want to act out the words in brackets. For instance I took a deep breath at the beginning as you told me to, and at the end I coughed to clear my throat. So I guess you used some great subconcious tools in this.
I wasn't sure of the last line in stanza five. The wording was somewhat clumsy, making me think it was slightly forced...
I liked this though. Thanks for sharing.

This poem flowed beautifully, except personally i would totally emit this verse:
"(Sweat drops)
A vein bursts.
(Butterflies)
The heart hurts."

Too sketchy.

Other than that, this poem had a beautiful set-up and was just... perfect.

I love the imagery without having that many adjectives. Not big words, but held a huge meaning.

Great job.

5/5
~Stephen White

Wow...just simply amazing....beautifully written with passion and amazment...just breathtaking

.-*-.tara.-*-.

Wow. this left me speechless!!!