Wow I really dont like short poem but this was very beautiful! it all happened in a moment of time! well done! This is very unique! well done I love the imagery! you're really talented! keep writing! 5/5!! as always!

WOW!!.....beautiful work...lovely..amazing,perfect...soo filled wth passion...just soo beyond words!...
loved it!
Easy 5/5=)
xxPoojaxx

Haha, that was one of the most creative short poems i've read... ur a very interesting author. i like ur poems. 5/5

Omg , i cant even explain how addicted you got me to continue reading.......put it this way as of now ur definately in my fav list!

It was really unique and eliminated..especially ( ) made it different from all others
My fave lines should be;

(Step forward)
No, don't kiss.
(Go backwards)
Don't make more to miss.

Keep it up,
Laura

Nice thoughts of writing. nicely thinking and then describing the beauty of the words in this poem short but very to the point. good work take care 5/5

This is amazing you put the words so perfectly together and made an osm poem great write

laura

Great poem, i liked it... it felt like u were talking to meh xD lol but 5/5 i liked it alot it wuz put together nicely! ^_^

~*~skYe~*~

You capture your theme with a subliminal exercise (breathing) that makes it wholly engaging. The pitch was hurried and emotions raw and captivating. I enjoyed this piece, Mindy. Nice piece.

I love how you did this. When I read it the first time (before you requested I comment it) I honestly thought it was SO unique and cool. I still think that. I love the concept. I'd love to see you write another poem like this. It absolutely stunned me in a good way.

Ohhhh wow...this brought tears to my eyes...

I foud the opening stanza to be so very sad and heartbreaking, and such a wonderful way to open the piece, it drags the reader right into it, and I love the parathensis (sp?) effect again, I think that makes it so much stronger with this piece.

"(Let go)
It falls apart.
(Relax)
Ignore your heart.

^^ Easily my favourite stanza of the piece...I find this to be incredibly moving, so bittersweet and filled with so much pain and loss, that you can't help but -feel- everything that you're talking about here.

"(Step forward)
No, don't kiss.
(Go backwards)
Don't make more to miss."

^^This is the only bit I'm not to sure on, simply because I feel that the flow is slightly of in the last line...maybe something like..

"Nothing to miss" or "No more to miss" ? Just a thought.

"(Inhale)
Release a sigh.
(Clear your throat)
& Say good-bye."

^^ This is the part that brought me to tears...so moving and sad, and something I feel to many people can relate to...I love this stanza.

On the whole, I think you did a beautiful job with this.