Close your eyes and pretend it's morning

They taste like shit
But they're making me feel sick,
I hope I don't throw them up,
I hope I don't fu(k it up
Not this time,
I want to die this way,
Why do I want to die anyway?

The mirror laughs
As my stomach turns,
The pains have passed
And numbness yearns.
Make them work,
Make them start.

I read they can take up to two days,
But I don't have that long.
The clock counts down
The calendar's never wrong.
Today's the day,
And I need them now,
Today's the day.
Please work somehow.

So with every lurch
I imagine your face.
And how I once knew a guy
That gave a shit,
But he moved at a different pace.
And how I was too fast,
Nothing good ever lasts.

Remembering love that faded,
Useless efforts we both evaded.
A fire put out, not phoenix ashes,
The scars you left were worse than slashes
Which by the way, the art of which
I have perfected.

I built a wall around my heart,
You broke it once, with one wilting look,
You pulled it out and then dissected.

And they say imitation is the sincerest form,
So I'm doing to myself what you've already done,
Settling for second best,
Oh how this is fun.

And I'm not quite as good as you
But I'm giving it my all,
I'm torturing myself,
Like the way you did before.
I'm too scared to take them all.

But I put them in one by one
And swallow with a gulp of water,
Then my mother calls her daughter
To dinner.
And I'm crying at the table,
She's telling me to straighten up,
My brother has a friend round.
But I don't care,
I can cry without sound.

"You're only fifteen, you don't need him."
And she wonders why we don't talk.

I get dressed and go to the gym,
And we're running quick
So quick, I'm sick.
And my cousin sees the deep cut,
That of course came from my cat.
I know she doesn't believe that,
But it'll soon be over and then I won't care,
It'll soon be over and no one will stare.

Only one more night of feeling,
Paracetamol can be so healing,
The damage is done to my liver,
And I'm "selfish" because my dad had no choice,
But I did it to myself.
Oh wake up and look at me,
You think this is how I wanted to be?
The false tales, the unbelievable lies,
Just say goodbye and close your eyes
And pretend it isn't happening,
Is it even happening?