Inside

This poem was amazing! Your rhyming and flow... was all exellent. You did a really great job on this one babe. I really like the imagination of it all. You put a lot of emotion into this. I like this part the best:

There is no warmth here,
As I walk another line,
Shut another door,
Pretend that I am fine,

Cloud covers the blue,
And I still stand alone,
Rain pounds my face,
And I'm struck to the bone,

All light fades,
And here in the dark,
My body shudders,
And the last of my embark,

... The only thing I can think of that you could do is... Don't you commas after every line. :) Nice that you're trying to puncuate but .. if it help write it out in a sentence and you can tell what you should and shouldn't use...

There is no warmth here. As I walk another line, Shut another door, Pretend that I am fine.

There is no warmth here.
As I walk another line,
Shut another door,
Pretend that I am fine.

Mucha better! But other than that babe... It was wonderful!!! ... I know I'm picky... and I just noticed that you used commas after everything till the end... maybe that was what you were going for but... yah... That's all I could think of. I loved it!

Great Write!

Tres Bien!

5/5

That was amazing... you left me speechless... can't describe how good that was! Way to go! You have some real talent! 5/5!!
Much Love,
.:Danielle:.

Wow, this was perfect. the description, the flow, emotion, they all went together perfectly! it was just beautiful
5/5
luv gabriella

Wow hun. i loved it! the vocab really made this poem what it is! it's simply great. the flow was also excellent. keep it up.
Much Love And Many Kisses, Bex.

Awesome poem, Beautifully written, I love it keep up the excellent work, I loved the flow, the rhimeing, It was awesome, keep up the good work,
5/5