Why am i so afraid?

by firexdancer   Mar 14, 2007


Why am i so afraid?
my dreams have all been torn away,
but my nightmares carry on.

How can i still cry?
my life is nothing but a lie,
but my lips won't say the words.

When did my heart break?
i thought i held it in my hand,
but now it's gone astray.

Where did the bullet hit?
there is no open wound,
yet i'm shattered into pieces.

What took away the rain?
it used to wash the blood away,
but now it's left no trace.

Who hurt me?
i couldn't see his face,
but i can't find him in the darkness.

*please give me honest comments on this poem, cause i really need help on it.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by azii

    Actually Í agree with Dark angel rose.. It's perfect already, so you don't need to edit it at all.. But that's my opinion :) Great job - once again..

    Take care

  • 17 years ago

    by David

    I have seen that your poems have 3 lines in each paragraph or stanza. mix it up and try to add a line or two here and there. change is sometimes good.

    well thats wat i would do. theres my help. great poem still the same. i love your poems!

    5/5 David

  • 17 years ago

    by tryinXtoXholdXmyXheadXup

    I agree with kaila it is a good poem and work on caps unless you dont do it on purpose, nessa

  • 17 years ago

    by Kaila

    Yeah i can tell no offense heres some helpful hints
    it didnt flow quite right I would maybe fix up the wording a bit more like the 1st two lines rhyme and the third one doesnt idn just an idea 3/5 nice job hope this helps

  • 17 years ago

    by fvalconbridge

    I don't think you need help with it, it's fine how it is. It's a really emtion poem in my personal opininion, i agree with Jess the use of the word 'I' is really powerful

    x

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