How must it feel?

How it must feel to end it all now,
to show them what life without me would be like
In a flash and a bang,
and it all goes dark,
or the slow sleepy transition
from the steel on flesh.
Do you trust me now?
you never did,
and you never will
and soon you wont have a choice
because there'll be no-one to trust.
To leave you now,
and show you what you made me
show you what I've become
because of you.
Can't you just stay out
out of my life sometimes.
Let me live my own life,
let me be me.
I'm tired of this
and I want to get out.
Feel the rope around my neck,
the water in my lungs,
those pills dissolving
in the pit of my being,
rotting all that I feel.
How would you feel?
what would you do?
If you saw that crumpled mess
below the top story window.
This is me,
I'm always the same.
But not for much longer,
not long now.