They don't even know that I'm there.
^ This is wearisome to read. I would write, "They don't know I'm there." It is the same idea with less words. Less is more.

Should be "my body" instead of "mu body."

Dark and depressing. Nicely written.

Pretty original, need some deeper word choices, overall keep up the good work

Maybe better word choice, like Devon said. But I really like it. It was put together nicely, keep it up!