As i am

As i am lay in bed at night,
i wish we were still together,
i remember saying,
we will be together forever,

then i remember that horrible day,
and how i said we were done,
and i wish so badly,
me and you were one,

as i watch the board at school,
i wish you still loved me,
u wish that you would ask me out again,
but my wishing you don't see,

as i lay down to pray at night,
i ask god and wonder why,
why didn't come down from heaven,
and stop me from saying goodbye,

i ask him why he didn't tell me no,
or say your going to be miserable if you say those words,
and that in the future,
your heart will feel as if it is getting stabbed my a million swords,

i then continue on with a long list on whys,
then soon i finish my prayer,
then i lie on my bed and cry,
and let my tears flow out as anger,

as i am chatting with you,
i wonder if you feel as i do,
and sometimes i just want to say,
with you go back out with me because i love you,

as i am chatting with friends,
i am acting like everything is OK,
libs play until it is madness in my head,
of the horrible horrible day,

as i sing to the radio,
i wonder what i did wrong,
and why i have a broken heart,
and a really sad sad song,

as i am eating my food,
i wonder if you want me to eat more or less,
but i only blame my self,
for this horrible mess,

as i am writing,
i write about you,
and ask all the questions,
i want to ask you,

as i am shopping,
i wish you were with me,
i wish i had the fairy tale,
i always wanted us to be,

if i could rewrite our story,
and make it as a fairy tale,
where we would live happily ever after,
and no day would be Grey and stale,

as i am dreaming about you,
day and night,
i know me blaming you,
just isn't right,

i wish i could tell you how i feel,
but you probably wouldn't understand,
you probably wouldn't care,
that me missing you causes deep pain,

as i am bleeding inside,
i wonder why i said those words that ruined my life,
i thought about us,
when i tried to cut with that knife,

as i look at the scars,
i remember you,
and i know you wouldn't be happy,
but i had to try to heal the pain i just had too,

as i look at the sun,
i remember how you brightened my days,
then i get so sad,
and go through this remembrance phase,

as i am happy we are friends,
i am wishing we are more,
but i don't think you want that,
even though i don't know for sure,

so as i am doing everything,
i am having thoughts about you,
wondering if there was a way i could get you back,
wishing the past i could undo.....................

by, Denysia Chapman-Madden