Laying it Down

I run this blade through my hands once more
I remember the times that I turned to this war.
The pain soothed me like nothing else would
I just wish others could have understood.

I remember the smirks behind each person's eyes
I remember all of the kind well-meaning advice.
I know I turned to all the wrong things
not realizing all the pain I would bring.

I remember finally laying it down
trying to find a smile through my own frowns.
I know I did wrong but no one could see
I was in so much pain from all the debris.

Now life is better though I have my scars
they tell a story, each little mark.
I remember praying for another way out
I always put myself through so much doubt.

I finally realized that I am the one who can change
no one else can release me from this cage
all of the tormented laughs following me
Only I can choose to stand up or hang my head and flee.

I never remember my friends being there
but now I know they were always the ones to care.
They only tried in all the wrong ways
but eventually their words helped me to seize the day.

I know this now and the blade is put away
I will no longer use it to ease my dismay
Everything is nothing in the eyes of the world
but my true self has yet to be unfurled.