Comments : Slipping away

  • 17 years ago

    by x Mo x

    This is a great poem!

    Here are a few things that might make it even better though:

    In the third stanza the first line might read better if it said "I know a ver hard task."

    Third stanza, last line, I think its supposed to say "your" rather than "you"

    Fifth stanza, second line: Maybe if it said "You're" rather than "you are" it might flow better.

    I really like the last two lines of the sixth stanza:
    "I just want to scream and cry
    and grow wings so i can fly"

    In the second to last stanza, the second to last line is a bit too long. Maybe if you re-worded it....it might flow better.

    I like the last stanza a lot.

    Over all: GREAT JOB!! keep it up! I cant wait to read the other ones!

  • 17 years ago

    by kssme1lstime

    This is my favrite :} great job

  • 17 years ago

    by Megan

    Nice job!

  • 17 years ago

    by V dog

    Is your name vanessa or janessa. i was jw cause my nick name is nessa...ya but i like this poem! keep it up

  • 17 years ago

    by Ms.Sweets

    Extremely fasinating...How ever..I do not wish to shave my hair, I wish to come in the door to be out of the cold frigid world!
    ~BECCA~

  • 17 years ago

    by Groovy

    This is really good, it made me think of someone i know that feels like that, great poem!