Very good poem, the rhyme scheme worked excellently and the theme was very strong and sentimental, the only thing I would say is sometimes the rhythm was slightly off by your choice of syllables. Other than that though, awesome job!

~jas~

Great poem!
The rhyming; It's great!
The idea; It's great!
Whole work; just Great!

Keep it up!

Awwwwww, this is so sad and yet the ending gives a little glimmer of hope. The last three stanzas are definitely my favourite. So full of emotion. 5/5. Chin up =)

Em xXx

I absoletly LOVE your writing style.
And I agree with Lemma, this is full of emotion. 5/5

First I did like this poem's flow, and the word choice was simple but strong. I do think though, and this is a big thing for people who want to write more than narrative poems so if you want to stick to narrative you can ignore this, that you are only telling us one side of the story. Just what is this secret hell? How did this person get involved in it and what is being done to them to make them this way? I have been offering this advice to some people, you can take it if you want or ignore it.

IMagine poetry as though it was a song. Most songs, must tell a story, and doesn't poetry tell something among the words? First, with a song, as with a poem, you set the stage, take for example Kelly Clarkson's , "Because of you. She first explains how she feels with the lines, "Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk, because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt, because of you I FIND IT HARD TO TRUST NOT ONLY ME BUT EVERYONE AROUND ME, because of you I am afraid." Notice the part I put all in caps. This one line is later explained why she finds it hard to trust in the following lines, "I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me." She explains how having to be there for people too much too young has altered her way of trusting everyone.

Now take Evanescence and their song, "My Imortal." Singer Amy Lee starts her story in a way with, "If you would just leave, I wish that you would just leave, cuz YOUR PRESENCE STILL LINGERS HERE, and it won't leave me alone." Now exactly why does this unknown presence linger? Because she follows it up with, "When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears, when you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears, I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have, all of me."

I hope you understand what it is I am trying ot say about giving more than one side and balancing out the writing process.

I can relate to this one a lot. The word usage you used said a lot. You could feel the energy coming from within. It was expressed very well, I just loved it. The flow seemed a little rocky in some areas, but other than that it was amazing. Great great job.

Talented and expressive, enjoyable to read.

The flow flawless... beautifull written amazing.. your an awesome poet! you know that? haha i love it thank you for writing it. the simple words leave me in shock 5/5

Amazing beautiful excellent