Ah, you see...I considered your comment, and I agree, as a poem, "Live On" is a bit awkward to read. However, it is meant to be song lyrics--I decided not to include that explaination. If you read the poem, structure allowing, the flow is more natural. Read straight through, it is perhaps, confusing.

In relation to this poem you have written, I will be equally constructive in criticism. This, as well, more so than my own, portrays jumbled thoughts, poor rhyme sheme, and basic ideas. I would call this a diary entry, not a poem. There are more than several grammatical errors, but even these being ignored, the flow is off and quality is poor.

Try not to use cliche phrases. Write from your heart, it helps. This is conversational material, not literature in prose.