Confused Love

The hatred runs through my veins,
yet love runs through my heart,
you've made me so confused,
i am falling apart,

my mind,
in a far way land,
i don't know what is going on,
this confusion i can't stand,

you love me,
yet hurt me,
i don't get it,
how can that be,

is it possible,
for one to love,
yet one to be cruel,
to their sign from above,

I've never felt this way before,
mind is in a whirl,
the only thing i wanted to happen,
was again for me to be your girl,

to rewrite our story,
and have us back in love again,
forget everything,
forget what happened then,

forget the fight,
and what i said,
but now the confusion and hurt,
continues to run through my head,

you say that you love me,
but somehow i can't believe it,
because you never help me out,
when i feel like shi*,

you just make it worse,
and make my hearts fire burns out,
and when we fight,
in the end we don't know what it's about,

i cry i night,
wonder if you even care,
everyday that you aren't here,
my heart continues to tear,

i am so in love with you,
but i don't think you care,
i hang my head low in shame,
wondering if i died at my funeral if you would be there,

if it didn't matter where you were,
even if it was half way across the world,
would you be there mourning,
over your lost baby girl,

sometimes i want to take my life,
just end it all,
i never knew it would be like this,
if our love would fall,

now i am filled up with hatred love and confusion,
confused on if you love me,
loving you,
and hate because my hurt you just don't seem to see,

why are you like this,
never there when i need you,
slowly i am dying,
and fighting i can't seem to do,

i need you here to help,
but it seems that you don't want to,
the only thing I've ever done,
was fall madly in love with you,

i am bleeding inside,
filling up with pain,
my head hung low,
eyes full of shame,

like a puppy who couldn't save there master,
like a parent who couldn't save there child,
like a tamed beautiful horse,
to an ugly one so wild,

i try to tell you in my poems,
but you don't seem to get the message,
i am a locked up puppy,
waiting for you to open my cage,

now you make me angry,
confused as well,
if you really loved me,
you wouldn't cause me hell,

if you really cared,
we wouldn't always fight,
if you cared when i was hurt,
i wouldn't wonder about it at night,

so if i were to runaway and never comeback,
would you runaway with me,
and would you care,
if i showed you the little things to can't see,

if i were to try to kill myself,
would you be here to stop me and tell me no,
or would you silently watch and wait,
and say go ahead go,

if you could be here and catch my tears,
would you,
if we could change,
and start all over new,

you fill me up in confusion,
my heart ache from love you won't accept,
and hate,
my all this past debt,

the confusion hurts the most,
cause i can't really explain,
but even if i could,
it is pretty obvious you don't care about my pain...............

by,Denysia Chapman-Madden