Brazed...

Music playing loud.
In my hand the blade rests,
cold and stained.
My eyes
fixed on this beautiful thing,
as I braze my thumb.
tearing into skin.
I can feel a tear as it slides
across my thigh
tight and deep
the crimson flows
the corner catches on my skin
and bubbles of red appear on my clothes.
Feel that feeling that jumps?
Im proud,
not ashamed anymore,
but it still hurts inside.
The pain is like
a burning itch
but I have control,
I can push
or release.
I can watch the beautiful color
stain my skin.
The potent scent of iron seeping,
and welcome.
Welcomed by my eyes,
stunned,
addicted,
itching,
sore,
needed.