Men vs. Women

Women

Yes = no
No = Yes
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
Maybe = No
We need = I want
It's your decision. = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want. = You'll pay for this later!
We need to talk. = I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset. = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
This kitchen is so inconvenient. = I want a new house.
I want new curtains. = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
Hang the picture there. = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise. = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = {Too late, you're dead}
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep?
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

Men

I'm hungry. = I'm hungry.
I'm sleepy. = I'm sleepy.
I'm tired. = I'm tired.
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex w/you.
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you.
What's wrong? = I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?
I love you. = Let's have sex now.
I love you, too. = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before.
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50.00 and it doesn't look that much different!
Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person so that you'd like to have sex with me.
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freaking dress and let's go home