The Sorrowful Rain

by Yuna   Mar 22, 2007


You cannot fight on,
your body's now weak,
your sword may it fall,
to the ground
may it sleep.

You fought on bravely,
with all of your heart,
but now may you fall,
to your knees
to defeat, the loss.

You cry there in sorrow,
while the rain falls down,
soaking your body
your brave heart
and your poor soul.

It was a battle,
between life or death,
he now stands in front
with HIS sword
o'er your head.

In one swift stroke
Your life comes to end,
so young and so soon,
lying dead
in the puddles,
of red rain.

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Latest Comments

  • 17 years ago

    by anime1addict

    So beautiful and strong! =D i really like this! t had me hooked from start to finish good job!

  • 17 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    [[ You cannot fight on,
    your body's now weak,
    your sword may it fall,
    to the ground
    may it sleep. ]]

    Beautiful opening stanza.
    I loved the flow & how it set the atmosphere of defeat straight off.

    I like how it tells a story, Warrior fights well, But there must always be a loser.

    I agree with Marian/Debbie about the unknown character, It makes the reader think around all the posibilites*, Who is he? Blah Blah etc.

    I loved the ending, Comparing rain to blood, Both fall so freely without a blink of the eye.
    Good wooooork. :]

  • 17 years ago

    by ASPHYXIATED

    [[ You cannot fight on,
    your body's now weak,
    your sword may it fall,
    to the ground
    may it sleep. ]]

    Beautiful opening stanza.
    I loved the flow & how it set the atmosphere of defeat straight off.

    I like how it tells a story, Warrior fights well, But there must always be a loser.

    I agree with Marian/Debbie about the unknown character, It makes the reader think around all the posibilites*, Who is he? Blah Blah etc.

    I loved the ending, Comparing rain to blood, Both fall so freely without a blink of the eye.
    Good wooooork. :]

  • 17 years ago

    by Hebe

    Great poem.
    Very emotional and good imagery.
    Liked reading it.
    Take care

  • 17 years ago

    by Hatori

    Yuna,
    Haha, very gruesome, I think, but still extremely good! The imagery was great, and I could even imagine a young boy dying and laying in the ground... Covered in his own blood. I also liked how you talked about the sword falling and resting on the ground.
    Overall, a very creative and descriptive poem! ^_^
    Keep it up, 5/5

    With all due respect,
    Hatori

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