The Ballad of Captain Smee

GLORY BE TO CAPTAIN SMEE

HE SAILS THE SEVEN SEES WITH GLEE

HE PLUNDERS AND PILLAGES, THE COASTAL VILLAGES

SMEE IS RUTHLESS AND CLEVER, HE'LL SAIL ON FOREVER

HE'LL HOIST UP THE YARDARM, WHILE HIS PREY SHOUTS THE ALARM

SMEE CUTS DOWN THEIR MAINMAST, AND CUTS DOWN THEIR CREW TO THE VERY LAST

WHERE SHOULD BE A LEGG, INSTEAD YOU FIND A PEG

ON HIS SHOULDER A PARROT, IN SMEE'S HANDS A GARROTE

OVER SMEE'S EYE A PATCH DOES REST, HE LOOKS MOST FEARSOME UP IN THE CROW'S NEST

WITH THE JOLLY ROGER AS A CAPE CAPTAIN SMEE STOOD WITH A SCOWL, THEN HE LEPT TO THE POOP DECK AND GAVE A GREAT HOWL

HE YANKED DOWN HIS BRITCHES, AND LET LOSE THE SHIT GEYSER

MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE FROM THE WATER, HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN WISER

SMEE STOOD ON THE BRIDGE, AND LOOKED THROUGH HIS SPYGLASS,

HIS DIAHREA EXPENDED, HE HAD PISSED TWENTY GALLONS THROUGH HIS ASS

AND YET HE DID NOT WIPE WELL ENOUGH, HE FELT MANY ITCHES,

LOOKING BEHIND HIM, HE HAD A BIG POOP STAIN ON HIS BRITCHES.