Asking a friend's forgiveness

Can you forgive me my friend ?
For trying again to make things right,
Though i seem to fail at every effort,
It's getting colder these past few days,
When i can't find a reason to defy,
That which i have heard sometimes - can be,
It has be lonely most of the time,
Trying to fight agaisnt a foe - inside of me,
A part of me planted deep inside,
Overgrown now overthrows everything,
The subtle chill within my self,
Once i thought could freeze the burning motion,
That the surrounding silence could hush the screaming,
But i cannot overcome the desperate urge,
To fill up an emptiness, i fear shall ever grow,
Without the means to satisfy me,
A surrogate love i employ to vacant,
The absent care i long for - more so than ever,
Attempts to bid farewell to affections i can never have,
Only drag me in deeper with confirmation,

i am not loved.

Overwhelmed by what she wants (me to do)
Powerless to the tears - i wish not to weep,
No words i can articualte - to let my feelings known,
The nervous jitter anxiously twicthing my inside,
What awaits if i wait a minute longer - just one,
The silence of destructive indecision,
Fingers gnawed down to the fresh flesh,
Bloody hands all marked with patterns,
A tightness in my chest - i cannot breathe,
May this be my final night to live alive,
In a mercy that my heart should fail,
Show one single compassion to me,
To let a soul go out with a solace thought,

So sorry my world keeps crashing down,
And i fail to hold up the sky,
As my weighted troubles begin to crush my dear,
i just can't seem to find my footing,
A stronger stance to save you from myself,
i hope one day these worries will lift,
And you can forgive me again for my failure,
To once more begin to pick up pieces,
Of a day much like the rest - but i wish so much,
Would see its final page tonight - before it ends for good,
But here i am again, a teary account for another night,
Of how i can't get better - its hopeless
Can you forgive me my friend,
Cause i can't make it another night without you.