Defeated

I can't do this anymore, it's too hard. This all hurts too much I just want it to go away.
I'm so desperate and I don't know any other way.
You have all won, I'm defeated,
I've lost all will and hope to try for something better, it hurts too much and I don't have the energy to fight any more.
I don't blame you. You have all done your best I'm sure. I just know that no matter what I do or what I am or become it still wont be enough to deserve your love, and I know you may want to love me but you don't. Thats not your fault, it's mine,
I'm sorry I have let you down, I'm sorry I can't be the child/sister/friend that you want, the one you deserve. I can't bare to hurt you any more, I just want you to be happy.
I know I am not the only one to feel like this, but just like others before me, I have lost the will to try anymore, I may be able to come through this but I don't want to try anymore. What is the point for a month later for something else to happen, I don't want that, I can't go through anymore. and I know that this is the only way to ensure I receive no more. I don't want to be selfish I think of all the millions that would give anything for my life setting, I wish I could give it to them, I hate that I have all I have and I wont to just give it up like it means nothing, but I would rather have the piece of mind of a family that want me, that I can make the people I care about happy, to feel safe I would swap all the material processions I own in a flash if I had the chance for this. But wishes and dreams are for fools.