Do it or not?

I know I want to go back
do it and feel it dropping
skin cuts on my arm
I don't think I can keep on holding

pain to feel I want
blood I want to see
a friend I don't want to hurt
I know she cant conceive

seeing injured my arm
would hurt my Friend real hard
to her I want to do no harm
but i need this real bad

I could do it on my legs
or anywhere she wouldn't see
I want to tell no lies
but there's no other way to get it out of me

it's a tough decision
do it or not
staying in this prison
or finally release it all